Sunday, January 24, 2010

Gamer Grub: WTF?

I saw this in Planet Xbox 360's "Top 10 Unhealthy Things to Eat While Gaming," and while a few I questioned their "unhealthy" label, there was one food that stood out as a "WTF" moment.

It's listed as a "bonus" food after #1 - which happens to be a bullish energy drink - and the entire advert sounds like, well, an ad:

Bonus. Gamer Grub: with Gamer Grub, the first performance snack formulated especially for gamers. Great tasting flavors, Handheld packaging, No keyboard crumbs, No greasy fingers; Gamer Grub is a great tasting snack mix packed with select vitamins and neurotransmitters supporting fast cognitive performance. We have tried Gamer Grub at a number of different gaming events and each time we walked away pleased with what the snack had to offer, find out how to purchase some for yourself by clicking here. 

Yes, that entire paragraph is an ad. They - Gamer Grub - probably paid less money to have them write a small paragraph than providing them with ad material, such as flash ads, and making them sound like fools, linking to the site, and saying things like "packed with select vitamins and neurotransmitters supporting fast cognitive performance." Who the hell talks about food that way, unless they're being paid, or part of the PR team. It feels like I'm watching those awkward moments from The Truman Show.

I digress. I checked out the site, considering they provided the link, and I saw what it had to offer. It comes in four flavors, and the one that is most interesting was the wasabi flavor. Yes, "wasabi" as in the fantastical green shit you get with sushi that makes your balloon-knot hate you the next day, provided you eat enough of it. According to the site, it contains "Sesame Sticks, Almonds, Wasabi Peas, Fried Onions, Peanuts and Pita Chips." Fried onions? No thanks.

It promises "no keyboard crumbs" and "no greasy fingers." Considering my Doritos binges from high school left some controllers with an odd, orange hue, I'm inclined. But then I check out retailers. Hot Topic sells this shit. Seriously? Why does it seem like this place is becoming the Costco of gaming anything? I understand they're trying to break into that niche sect of the world, and get their tween demographic in to buy their zipper-induced Tripp pants (yes, I owned a pair in high school; fuck off), but when gaming clothing accounts for 25% of your apparel - the other 75% goes towards band shirts and Twilight shit - and you're selling supposed "Gamer Grub," I don't know who to be more ashamed of: Hot Topic for stocking it or Biosilo Foods or actually making this shit.

Sadly, there's far more companies that are stocking it, that I'm raising an eyebrow in their general direction:

Tiger Direct? Fry's? Barnes & fucking Noble?

Before I completely turn the other cheek towards this food, I will try it. I'll probably go with either Pizza or Wasabi flavor, simply because I'm a fucking sushi nut. If I like it - and seeing most reviews do, indeed, like it - I will eat my hat. And maybe a couple of socks.

[EDIT] As I searched around, only Pizza and the PB&J flavors are out there. I actually gave Toy Wiz my email address to let me know when Wasabi was going to be in stock, with only a "Coming Soon" label on it. I bought 2 bags from Amazon of the Pizza flavor, just in case; they seem fairly small, coming it at just 4 oz at $4, with $5 shipping came to $13 for two bags. Seems a bit steep for what little bit you're getting, but hey, it's worth a shot.